Sometimes change happens overnight and other times its movement is imperceptible.
Dustin and Cisco were married in the Seattle neighborhood of Ballard. This same-sex wedding photographer, (who had photographed a few weddings for LGBTQ couples in the past) finally felt like I was up to the task. Let me explain.
In 2013 my dear friends and neighbors, Cecil and Paul were married in their backyard. It was my first gay wedding. (If you don't remember it became legal in December 2012 in Washington State.) After the small ceremony, Cecil, Paul, and I jumped in their limo and headed to Howarth park for some photos before the reception at the Tulalip Casino. On the way, my friends shared with me their deep feelings of joy and disbelief that this day had actually come. They had been partners for so long and had seen so much hatred. I got out of the limo a different person. I had always supported their union but listening to them gave me a window into their hearts that I needed. It was a gift that I have been thankful for ever since.
Fast forward to March 2019. My oldest son tells me he is gay. I was totally surprised. Cecil and Paul were not. They had their suspicions for a long time. I wasn't upset, just oblivious. Do you know that old adage, "You can't see the forest for the trees"? Yeah, that was me. I was too close to see the big picture going on with my son. The good news is it wasn't a big deal for us. My husband and I tried to express how much we loved him. Our extended families have also been very accepting. This was a huge gift. Both my husband and I were raised in the Mormon Church and still attend. Our faith has made some choices we don't agree with considering LGBTQIA+ peoples and we knew we might have difficulty with family and friends who were also members. To our great relief that was not our experience. I've learned that people can be far more loving and accepting than we imagine, but all they need is a chance to prove it.
Back to Dustin and Cisco. I met them in 2017 at the Seattle Wedding Show. Between 2013 and 2017 I had very few opportunities to work as an LGBTQ wedding photographer. When I did get new LGBTQ wedding photo clients, they often requested that I not post their photos on my website or social media. When I met Dustin and Cisco I totally stuck my foot in my mouth. I remember thinking, "wow you sound both dumb and overly eager." Maybe they found my naivete charming because they reached out and met with me for a consultation.
During our meeting, I picked up on a few key things: Firstly, both men were well organized and thoughtful. Secondly, Dustin had a quick wit and Cisco was quieter but bright and interesting to talk to. Lastly, they were planning well in advance because they wanted more than anything for their wedding to be special. It's always a bonus for me to see both people participate in a wedding consultation and be invested in the process. By the time we were done, I was feeling less stupid but I was still sure they would choose another photographer. After all, my website at the time had no LGBTQ wedding photos so why would they trust me when my website lacked representation and even verbiage about the topic? Yet they picked me anyway and I was over the moon.
You see, I was happy because I finally wasn't scared anymore. With Cecil and Paul's wedding, I barely knew how to direct them, I was worried I'd say or do the wrong thing. I knew how much this day meant and I felt a lot of pressure to go above and beyond. (They didn't put that pressure on me, I did that.) By the time I was hired for Dustin and Cisco's wedding I had some practice with posing and I'd learned to better manage my own expectations. Dustin and Cisco hiring me to photograph their wedding and their planning 18 months in advance meant that I was finally the photographer I had wanted to be since 2013.
I thought nothing of it at the time but my son who never is interested in my work took special note of the images I was editing for Cisco and Dustin. (See I'm oblivious.) I can't help but wonder if shooting these two weddings helped my son to understand that his sexuality wasn't a big deal to me. He told us when he came out that he had known for a while. He was 14 at the time. Thinking back he was definitely struggling with his identity as early as 11.
I have this weird habit of daydreaming about my son's wedding. I can't help but mentally write a toast for my baby boy and his imaginary future partner. I've been doing it since he was born. I like to slip into this daydream on long car rides to an event or on the way home after a long day of wedding photography. Seeing couples like Cecil and Paul, Dustin and Cisco, Sarah and Jennifer, Alison and Kelly, and others make vows to one another means so much to me as a mom of a gay teen. Their love is a symbol that no matter what makes us feel different in this life we deserve love and it's out there waiting. Someday I'm going to have to write a toast for real. When that day comes, please know that I will be the first to raise my glass in celebration.
